We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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