Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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