what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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