I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this hospital has no fireball
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
