Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
