3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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