The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
