I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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