tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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