Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
