i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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