OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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