I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bring me that man meat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
