Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
