So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
