she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
too bad you live with your parents still
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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