Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
