Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
