yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
