I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
