I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
