As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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