I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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