Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
