So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
People in love make me want to vomit
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize