your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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