I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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