Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize