yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
