I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
