I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize