oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize