you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
