R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
love makes seman taste better
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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