Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You made out with two different species that night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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