Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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