also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
