escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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