so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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