Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
