I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
