Please, let me fuck your mom
It's Friday. Sex?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Who died my cat blue again?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
