Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
