3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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