wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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