he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
