my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
