I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
