and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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