The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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