where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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