I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
