I don't remember. Are we still dating?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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