When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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