The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
