i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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