Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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