I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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