The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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