Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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