At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
