Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
