if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
