It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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