I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
