Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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