Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
