Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
